Cake and Hugs and Rock 'n' Roll
by British Racing Green
Summary: A parody of some of the greatest stories from Rock and Roll, as told by Nodoka in extracts from her diary. Rated M for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

_**I don't own the rights to K-On!, nor any other person or brand I may happen to mention apart from the title of the magazine below.**_

_**The Global Language of Music**_** (issue #27)**

The on and off stage antics of Japanese rock ensemble K-On! ('After School Tea Time' and 'Fresh Leaf Girls') are either: legendary, crazy, destructive, violent or down-right sick depending on your point of view.

Now, finally, we are about to receive the gospel version of exactly just what did go on in those hotel rooms, recording sessions and controversial concerts.

Nodoka Manabe – Yui Hirasawa's lifelong friend - was K-On!'s manager and sang backing vocals during the third and final part of a tradition concert set.

Unlike all the other group members she stayed out of trouble but more importantly, kept a diary of _everything_ that happened with and to the bands' members.

We here at _TGLoM_ are truly honoured that she has chosen us to publish extracts from her forthcoming book _Cake and Hugs and Rock 'n' Roll_ which will hit the shops just in time for Christmas (exact release date to be confirmed).

So what did the girls who recorded multi-lingual and multi-platinum selling albums, starred in films and in some cases cheated death really get up to?

Ms Manabe, the stage is yours...

_**Bill Wyman, the bass player for the Rolling Stones from 1962-1993 has kept a journal since he was a child after WW2.**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**I don't own the rights to K-On!, nor any other brand I may happen to mention.**_

**Ritsu puts Yui in her place**

**Nodoka's P.O.V.**

I'm not allowed to name which hotel the following took place in, or indeed when this event happened.

This is because the owners don't want it to become a shrine for K-On! Fans.

All I _can_ say is that we were in Europe at the time.

After the gig on the night in question Mio felt sick and went straight to bed.

This didn't come as a surprise because she had vomited after lunch and struggled to sing at times during the show.

Ritsu (who was and still is _very_ protective of Mio) decided to miss that night's drinking session and went upstairs to bed with her.

Four hours of solid drinking later and the rest of the girls were getting mischievous, especially Yui.

Jun dared Yui ring the 'Mitsu' room and persuade Ritsu to come down and have at least one drink with them.

Yui thought this couldn't go wrong and immediately set about getting this young man behind the bar to phone upstairs.

Before Azusa, Ui or I could reach her and say that this was a bad idea, Yui was dialling Ritsu's and Mio's room.

"Hey Ricchan!" Yui slurred slightly after Ritsu had picked up her phone,

"We're all having a great time down here and you're missing out. Come on Ricchan please have a drink with us, where's my drummer when I need her?"

Before Yui could say anything more Azusa snatched the phone from her and hung up.

Around a quarter of an hour passed and I'd assumed that Ritsu had gone back to sleep.

Then to all of our amazement Ritsu appeared in the bar with her hair straightened, dressed in a suit and tie with polished shoes.

Yui ran up to hug Ritsu like she normally would do with anyone, but _none_ of us expected what happened next.

As Yui got within range, Ritsu lunged at her with a powerful right-hook that connected with Yui's left cheek and sent her crashing into Mugi and Sumire's table.

The room was filled with a collection of gasps, broken glasses and Yui beginning to cry like a child.

Ritsu on the other hand just looked at the rest of us as if nothing had happened.

She turned to leave but saw that Ui was rushing over to help her stricken sister.

Ritsu blocked her and roughly grabbed Yui by her t-shirt and hauled her up so close to her face it was as if their noses were touching.

"Don't _ever_ call me your drummer again!" Ritsu said gritting her teeth,

"You're _my fucking singer_!"

She dropped Yui like a hot brick and left the bar as quickly as she had arrived.

_**In the mid-1980s the Rolling Stones were on tour when a drunken Mick Jagger is said to have phoned a sleeping Charlie Watts and asked where his drummer was.**_

_**Watts did to Jagger what Ritsu did to Yui here, suit included.**_

_**Please review.**_


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